Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Wheres my heart?

Some random fun....

Snokeling with some friends

Hiking in Weipio Valley

Tragic Results of hike that cant really be seen...my legs are swollen and bruised...my toe is busted up and every shearing throb of pain was worth the hike...:)

The fun finally arrived after a terribly difficult week last week. It was a week full of emotion and digging deep into the past. The speaker, an energetic Asian- American named Kristy Kim, had a degree in Psychology and an MA in Counceling... Normally this would be helpful to know but I found myself compelty turned off to anything she had to say because of my background in Psych. I didnt really think I had a problem with psychology but I found out that my lack of a bias actually turned out to be vicious and it made the week much more difficult. Not only was I suppose to dig into my past when I didn't want too but the speaker that lead us there was one I had a harsh mistrust for from the get-go. Sounds like a fun week huh? Haha. Well, the week didn't get any better, at least regarding my attitude. I really started to withdraw and didn't want to take away from the groups accomplishments so Itried to be as isolated as I could... it probably seemed that I didn't like anyone last week but the cool thing was that instead of getting offended they were supportive; and everyone knows that we all have different struggles to deal with. So its the most encouraging environment I've been in when being faced with vulnerablity. All in all, the week was a stretching week. I did learn alot about myself and the Holy Spirit and how to deal with past issues all the while trying to ignore the fact that pscyhology is actually a helpful tool in some cases. Ha.
The most enjoyable part of the week was when fridays bells rang and freedom was awaiting. My performing arts group had a beach day on Saturday with some of the best BBQ i've every had. I went snokeling and had a gay ol' time. Than on Sunday, a prayer was answered. My friends Potter and Ian were going hiking in on of the most beautiful valleys ever. Some of Jurassic Park was filmed in this particular spot where two water falls met at the bottom of a tear-shaped cliff. At the bottom was a crystal clear pool that is clean enough to drink from. IT WAS INCREDIBLE! It was the hardest hike I have ever done though. The rainforest has some tough terrain. We had to hike through the river over slippery ground and jagged rocks- hense the bruises on my legs. I fell many times but loved every minute. The people in my group, however, made this kind of hike look like a walk in the part...maybe I'm not as graceful as I thought- hmmm. Haha.
There were spots to jump of rocks into the water- tested and approved spots so it was safe- and when we reached the top there were some little caves we had to rock climb to and than jump into the water. Now if you know me- that is totally my kinda thing. I havent felt so alive and challenged phyically in a long time. :) :) :)

Its tuesday now and today my body is broken. My legs are still swollen and the exhaustion is still heavy but this weeks teaching is a spin off of last week that will rock me to my core. The purpose of last week was to shake up issues I've delt with- which it did- and this week is about understanding satan's strategy in trying to kill us and use those issues to hinder us, and how we can throw off those issues and strongholds through the power of Jesus Christ. Seriously, the last two days have been the most encouraging and "meaty" days since I've been here. One major, MAJOR point that I am learning is that- I can have alot of head knowledge about God, I can memorize scripture and all but if thats it than its a shallow relationship at best. If I don't believe what I'm memorizing or actually take it into my heart and better understand who Christ is and let the Holy Spirit transform my mind...than my act of memorizing is pointless. To get a better understanding...I use the example of two singers that I've seen. One singer had an incredible voice with talent beyond anything I could ever hope for, BUT when the alter call came, no one came...The second singer had a voice that was not as advanced as the first singer but it was good. When the alter call came, the room was flooded with tears and surrender. What was the difference? - The first singer only used her voice to glorify herself...she lacked communication and persuasion with her audience and her reward was only the thought of "I'm good and maybe a pat on the back." However, the second singer had a gift far greater than the first singer...HEART! She believed what she sang, she communicated her message and through her voice God was able to be glorified, hence His movement in the audience. (Don't know if I communicated that example well but I think you get it all). - My "religious" exterior may look impressive to some, but I would rather have a humble and grace- filled trial of faith with Christ than a faith that is "fixed and self-glorifying that could merely be considered a faith." I want more and more for my heart to be one with Christ. I want to take on His heart and understand His power in transforming lives and truely experience that transformation. And really my second prayer would be for each of you reading this that you will understand His power and love as well. And ever more that I can help lead you to that place when I get back...Man how Awesome He is I'm discovering.
- Man I could go forever, but I need to go to bed. thanks for your prayers all of you and I love you all. - ash

1 comment:

Pam said...

I am so glad you had BIG Fun!!! The pic's are awesome. (Not the beat up ones, Ouch)
Your insights challange me and make me analyze my own walk with the Lord. I guess that is what it is all about. I love you and miss your face.
Love, Hugs, Kisses, and many prayers,