ODE TO MA!

So theres this woman i know.

She's pretty cool and I love her alot.

Unfortunatly, i was MIA on mothers day!

My heart hurts a bit

but reat assure, our love goes beyond borders.

So ill pop in to the A-town in four months and we'll be reunited.
But for mothers day I send a flower with a note...

MOM, I love you so much.

I love that I have received so many amazing qualities and

characteristics from you. You are somehow directly or indirectly

involved in every favorite memory.

Some of my favorite memories of you are when you laugh so hard that your smile

is contagious and you can't really breathe for a while,or start crying...:)

Or when you do silly things and you give me this look of "Oops" and than smile...Haha.

I love the way you can take charge of a situation and I always know Im safe with you.

You claim your my biggest fan, and truely your actions and unconditional love prove it

everyday. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you or want to talk.

I know im selfish and take advantage of you alot and I am so sorry for the times I have
forgotten to show you how much I love you. You mean the world to me and have truely made all the difference between Heaven and Hell here on earth. Thank you and Dad for following Christ and introducing me to Him. You were used in the saving of many souls. And that love and obedience has inspired me.

I love you mom. Your my best friend. I love being like you and I also want you too know how proud I am of you. I can only wish that my kids will feel the same love and value that I have felt and been instilled with from you. I want to raise my kids like you and daddio raised us.

Man, mom, I just love you.

Thank you.

I raise my coffee cup to your honor:)

Your the best.
With Love- Ashley.

Wheres my heart?

Some random fun....

Snokeling with some friends

Hiking in Weipio Valley

Tragic Results of hike that cant really be seen...my legs are swollen and bruised...my toe is busted up and every shearing throb of pain was worth the hike...:)

FUN FUN FUN:
The fun finally arrived after a terribly difficult week last week. It was a week full of emotion and digging deep into the past. The speaker, an energetic Asian- American named Kristy Kim, had a degree in Psychology and an MA in Counceling... Normally this would be helpful to know but I found myself compelty turned off to anything she had to say because of my background in Psych. I didnt really think I had a problem with psychology but I found out that my lack of a bias actually turned out to be vicious and it made the week much more difficult. Not only was I suppose to dig into my past when I didn't want too but the speaker that lead us there was one I had a harsh mistrust for from the get-go. Sounds like a fun week huh? Haha. Well, the week didn't get any better, at least regarding my attitude. I really started to withdraw and didn't want to take away from the groups accomplishments so Itried to be as isolated as I could... it probably seemed that I didn't like anyone last week but the cool thing was that instead of getting offended they were supportive; and everyone knows that we all have different struggles to deal with. So its the most encouraging environment I've been in when being faced with vulnerablity. All in all, the week was a stretching week. I did learn alot about myself and the Holy Spirit and how to deal with past issues all the while trying to ignore the fact that pscyhology is actually a helpful tool in some cases. Ha.
The most enjoyable part of the week was when fridays bells rang and freedom was awaiting. My performing arts group had a beach day on Saturday with some of the best BBQ i've every had. I went snokeling and had a gay ol' time. Than on Sunday, a prayer was answered. My friends Potter and Ian were going hiking in on of the most beautiful valleys ever. Some of Jurassic Park was filmed in this particular spot where two water falls met at the bottom of a tear-shaped cliff. At the bottom was a crystal clear pool that is clean enough to drink from. IT WAS INCREDIBLE! It was the hardest hike I have ever done though. The rainforest has some tough terrain. We had to hike through the river over slippery ground and jagged rocks- hense the bruises on my legs. I fell many times but loved every minute. The people in my group, however, made this kind of hike look like a walk in the part...maybe I'm not as graceful as I thought- hmmm. Haha.
There were spots to jump of rocks into the water- tested and approved spots so it was safe- and when we reached the top there were some little caves we had to rock climb to and than jump into the water. Now if you know me- that is totally my kinda thing. I havent felt so alive and challenged phyically in a long time. :) :) :)

Its tuesday now and today my body is broken. My legs are still swollen and the exhaustion is still heavy but this weeks teaching is a spin off of last week that will rock me to my core. The purpose of last week was to shake up issues I've delt with- which it did- and this week is about understanding satan's strategy in trying to kill us and use those issues to hinder us, and how we can throw off those issues and strongholds through the power of Jesus Christ. Seriously, the last two days have been the most encouraging and "meaty" days since I've been here. One major, MAJOR point that I am learning is that- I can have alot of head knowledge about God, I can memorize scripture and all but if thats it than its a shallow relationship at best. If I don't believe what I'm memorizing or actually take it into my heart and better understand who Christ is and let the Holy Spirit transform my mind...than my act of memorizing is pointless. To get a better understanding...I use the example of two singers that I've seen. One singer had an incredible voice with talent beyond anything I could ever hope for, BUT when the alter call came, no one came...The second singer had a voice that was not as advanced as the first singer but it was good. When the alter call came, the room was flooded with tears and surrender. What was the difference? - The first singer only used her voice to glorify herself...she lacked communication and persuasion with her audience and her reward was only the thought of "I'm good and maybe a pat on the back." However, the second singer had a gift far greater than the first singer...HEART! She believed what she sang, she communicated her message and through her voice God was able to be glorified, hence His movement in the audience. (Don't know if I communicated that example well but I think you get it all). - My "religious" exterior may look impressive to some, but I would rather have a humble and grace- filled trial of faith with Christ than a faith that is "fixed and self-glorifying that could merely be considered a faith." I want more and more for my heart to be one with Christ. I want to take on His heart and understand His power in transforming lives and truely experience that transformation. And really my second prayer would be for each of you reading this that you will understand His power and love as well. And ever more that I can help lead you to that place when I get back...Man how Awesome He is I'm discovering.
- Man I could go forever, but I need to go to bed. thanks for your prayers all of you and I love you all. - ash

She wiped His feet with her hair....

1. Awesome Sunset 2. Me and Andy 3. Drumming...:)

4. The gang 5. STAR WARS TEAM!!! 6. Roommate Bec and Me

For those of you that arnt farmilar with the Bible, there is a story about a woman named Mary. Mary loved Jesus. One day while Jesus was teaching to a crowd, Mary came with a perfume jar that was worth a years wages. She knelt at Jesus' feet, broke the jar over him and wiped his feet with her hair- John 12:1-9
I was reminded of this passage two weeks ago while in a worship session. It has continiously been brought up in my mind and my prayer has been to have such deep devotion and intensity in following Christ, just as Mary did.
Today was my day.
I had planned to fast today but little did I know that God would ask for more than one days worth of food... Today in session we were listening to this heart throbbing story about the prositution in the Red Light District in Amsterdam when the words "your hair" popped into my mind. Weird, I know...even curious. The session was great and passion filled. It was talking about how my generation is great yet our tragedy is passivity. We get lost in video games and false realities...which i completely agree with. And the challenge was to not merely "think" about action but actually take action. My heart throbbed with the desire yet my fear of action and responsibility overwhelmed me just the same....

HERES THE KICKER... to end, the preacher asked us to go back to our rooms grab something of value that is important to us and give it up to Jesus. So there I go daddiling back to my room trying to think of something I can give up whether material or emotional, whatever...than... it hits me- hard and fast...before I knew what I had to do and before I had time to think...I ran to my room...made a direct beeline for my knife and headed back to the gym. I started weeping as my fingers gripped the knife. I stood infront of the cross, behind everyone else with puddles forming under my feet. I prayed for help. A girl came over that I had only met once. I handed her the knife. I told her to cut my hair. With tear filled eyes and a shaky hands...she started cutting. With every cut, a tear. With every tear, a smile. I knew at that moment what Mary must have felt when she wiped Jesus' feet with her hair. I knew what it meant to worship Jesus...

So now, My hair is short, about chin length and still really choppy and uneven. But I love it. After having the day to process what went on this morning there are a few remaining things I want to say. - I do not at all regret what I did. This truely was the highest and most perfect sacrifice I could have known. It is difficult to explain but I will try. See, I have been known as the tall, beautiful long-blonde girl. I have taken so much pride in that fact. I have always been able to use my beauty to be seen or stand out. Beauty has always been a security for me because if I don't feel comfortable I could always hide behind a pretty face and long flowing locks...:) I do not want to hide anymore. I do not want to use the beauty God has given me to glorify my own looks anymore. I want people to see Christs beauty in me now. I want my eyes, my smile, my laugh, but most of all my actions to show Christs love and bring people in. Amen! I want to be the woman that is willing to give up everything for the sake of knowing Christ and it has to begin with herself. I was broken before Jesus' today, BUT, as I stood there weeping...all I heard was..."you are worth more than your hair. You are BEAUTIFUL despite how long or short your hair is. I can USE you now...!!!" -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. Can anyone say AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today has been an emotional day and there were times when I said- "your crazy!" But at those moments of discouragement, one or two people would walk by and tell me what an encouragment that act was today. Ironically enough, I felt uncomfortable anyone saying that because I cut my hair to try and rid the attention factor but I guess God had other plans.
I was able to share this infront of the whole DTS tonight in one of our meetings and it was incredible. The story, however, doesnt end there...when I got up in front of that crowd, in front of that pulpit with a microphone...I knew my calling was just beginning...:)

THE NEW DUE...

One of the most amazing nights of worship I've ever seen... sorry its sideways...

New Beginnings

Beginning of HIP-HOP try-out
The End of HIP HOP try-outs -ha ha ha
My friend Catlin and I in the backseat of the car that broke down...Sweet!

New way to take a pic...shake your head madly and see what happens...ha ha ha

headed to the beach with a sweet headband! ; )
Beach Volleyball- Sunburn!
Winning team
starting from the left: Gir, Leif, Micah, Me, Rachel
The car we drove to the top of the mountain...it didnt start and than overheated...its cool though we were safe. SO FUN!
Left: Potter --> Dave...finally got the car started!

I dont even know where to start.

So many prayers were answered this week.

So many memories and past regrets had to be dealt with and are still daily being thought and prayed through.

So many people I met.

And more than enough Godly wisdom to last me a lifetime.

Lets start with prayers:
- Before I came, I prayed that I would find some great friendships here or at least good ones that helped me understand community and the importance of relationships in our world. When I arrived I found out that my particular DTS is 90% female....honestly a very difficult fact for me to accept considering my good friends are guys. So I started praying that while I am in Hawaii at least, a couple good guy FRIENDS would come along= and so they have. I have guy friends that help me keep my sanity sometimes but also some good down-to-earth girls that i can chill with in my DTS. Praise the Lord.

- I had been praying for a guitar since I got here...guess what? God provided. This guy walked up to me with a guitar and said "here use it for a while." I was floored. Thank you Lord! It feels good to have a guitar in my hands-even though I'm not very good at it thus far. But that will change.

- Some huge personal prayers are activally being answered...I wont go into too much detail here just because I don't feel the need to share them. But if you know me well and know what I struggle with please keep praying that the Lord will continuiously shine His light in the dark places of my soul, so those places can become light.

The topic of the week this week was: "Hearing Gods Voice." It has been one of the most amazing weeks of my life. Obviously, we learned about God's voice but it was an in depth study and so much detail was shed on the subject. It was AWESOME!!! There were several times God spoke to me clearly this last week and it was good to hear His voice:) We also learned about Intercessory Prayer and how powerful it is! Again, I'm floored at how little I know about all of this.

There are so many great stories to choose from that happened this past week that are worth mentioning but seriously every moment becomes my favorite...Its hard for me to store it all.

A couple stories I guess will do...1)A couple friends and I were able to have a 45 min conversations about Christ in a McDonalds with a former morman girl named Ally. She was taken intrigued but mostly because we were passionate. No commit was made or anything but it was obvious to see the Lord has a call on her life. Please pray for Ally. 2) I was able to test my sand volleyball skills this past weekend but unfortuantly forgot my sunscreen- i am fried!!! The tan line will be awesome but holy cow I'm in pain right now. 3) We talked about different ways God speaks to us and one of the ways God speaks is: dreams. (Look at many major characters in the Bible and you have your proof of that way). I have had several dreams recently but one last night was totally crazy that woke me up and had me thinking critically at six in the morning. I wrote it down and thought about the theological ramifications of the dream...and in the lecture today, the pastor used my dream as an example...without me having told anyone about this crazy dream. It was almost eerie but I'm starting to not be so freaked out by how real God is and how He chooses to speak. I'm not at all saying, I can dream or have visions or anything- although that would be cool- but to have my dream seconded like that...was insane! The dream was about Satans strategy to kill us all. I wont go much deeper, maybe the dream was from past books I read all crammed into one...I don't know but it was rad!

I had my first hint of homesickness today but I know I must continue on. Please pray for me on that...

A few main lessons I've learned this week:

- My best is good enough for God

- God is truely the lover of my soul and all I want is to seek His heart. I do love what He has created but oh how much more I love His characeter and faithfulness...

- the development of a relationship involves talking and listening- same as in developing a relationshi with the Lord.

-There is no truth UNLESS there is a God!

OUTREACH UPDATE:

We have decided to only go to Europe and Africa (thus far) instead of China because the cost is too expensive. I need to raise $3000 more dollars for my outreach in the next four weeks. I found out that it can be tax-deductable...praise the Lord...if sent directly to YWAM. I will again be sending out support letters here shortly to update you even more. Please pray if you would like to be apart of this opportunity too.

Thank you so much, each one of you for the various roles you have played in my life and growth. I do apologize for mispelled words or confusing sentences...im extremely tired right now. I pray for each of you and I love you. Drop me a note for that always encourages me.

Peace from Hawaii!

Death By Coconut

Kona Coffee

First Sunset

Well, I've been in Kona for a day now, and it is BEAUTIFUL!!! very different from the rockies though. Very... um...humid....and waterlocked (is that the term?) I face west and get to watch the sunset every night...not to bad for a missionary training school i guess:)

So far I have been a definite phase of transition. Emotions come in waves but they quickly settle when I remember my job is to only follow Jesus and not worry too much about what I left behind but what I am gaining from this entire experience.

Today we had a couple meetings. This quarter apparently we are bilingual so at everything there are translators for the korean language...its awesome. I am in a specific focused DTS of Performing Arts and really those of you that know me...know I am more sporty instead of Artistic...so this will be a challenge. We have about 42 people in our focus and more than 1/2 are girls. I am freaking out a little just because I'm not use to being around that many girls...hmmm...yikes...well see how all this turns out. I have already made many friends and my room mates are great. We have four Americans- Cherol from D.C., Abisa from N.Y., Lexi from Oregon, me of course. We have 1 Austrailia, her name is Bec. and than theres 2 Korean girls. I have no clue how to spell or say there names. Only one of them speaks broken english and the other sits shyly behind and I haven't said a word...Kinda a weird situation but good thus far. However, having one bathroom for all the girls- a little nightmare waiting to happen.

Today we had auditions for the parts in the musical we will be performing. We auditioned infront of the entire group and I loved it. I sang...and had a great time. Most the fun was due to the song, "Baby, It's Cold Outside." :) i know wierd selection but it fits my voice and it has some attitude. However, I was the only one to not sing a christian song...instead I sang an American Christmas song about seduction...:) hahaha...classic memory. The teacher, Maria, loved it though and said I was an excellent singer and definitly had a place. I also tried breakdancing...which will be so so fun, even if all i get to do is practice with them. (Disclaimer...don't expect me to have any clue of dancing when I get back) I asked the teacher if I could dance and sing and she said "we really need you to sing...we have enough dancers." Gotta admit- I was bummed becuase i wanted to learn to dance but really I have great room mates that are willing to teach me. So well see, but also I will get to focus even more on singing. And hopefully improve in technique and perfomance.

I had my first cup of KONA coffee....I have to brag...its the best in the world! I think i've screwed my openness for crappy coffee. Sorry Folgers youve lost me forever.

Random fact of Kona: More people die from Coconuts falling on their heads than shark attacks. (And in my opinion...death by coconut- what a crappy way to go.)

Well, Im gonna go to bed now, I'm exhausted...peace.

Counting the Days to YWAM

I can't believe the time has come. YWAM is here.
My stuff is all packed up and in less than three days I will be flying to Kona, Hawaii in hopes that someone will pick me up when i get there:) I head out on Thursday at 3:30AM and fly from Denver --> Arizona (lay over for four hours) --> than board my plane to Hawaii!!! Crazy. I usually can keep myself company pretty well so I'm not too worried about the flight over but the anticipation of whats to come these next couple months is a bit mind blowing already. All I've ever heard about YWAM is that it changes your life- and thats the precise reason I am doing it. Can you believe- five months of being fully devoted to learning about Christ and reaching a newer and deeper relationship with Him. Everything I've ever dreamed. I do beleive however that these next couple months will be more challenging than anything I've ever faced but really what does that matter? I want to be there for it all, no matter how hard.
Please be praying for me this next week as I prepare to go because there is still much to think about.