Itchy Butt crack and Robbed! Nice!

August 10th m(the title will be explained later) :)

Hello Hello Hello from Herrnhut Forest!
A little over four months ago, I flew away from Colorado and arrived in Kona Hawaii only to be pushed and prodded and challenged to change. The culprit of this challenge…the HOLY SPIRIT! There have been, and still are, definite times of resistance on my part but I am learning that it’s easier to give into the Good than try to validate my cause of ignorance (if you know what I mean). I have come to be very comfortable with this tension and agree that if a day goes by without me feeling the splice between “who I am, now” and “who I want to be in the future,” than something has been overlooked in my spirit.
I believe the last time I wrote was while in Paris and that seems like a lifetime ago. Since then, we have traveled to Berlin (stayed there a week), than onto a small town called Herrnhut (where the 100 year prayer movement started and missionaries have been being sent out from for ages), headed to Czech Republic for a week, only to double back into Germany to a little town called Germa, and than once again to Herrnhut. As of now, we are waiting for our next move. There is a possibility to go to Prague this week but money is very slim and time of the essence. We are suppose to be on a bus to London on Sunday night and Progue would overlap the times. If we don’t go to Prague than we will stay in Herrnhut, Germany at the YWAM base until Sunday! I’m set with anything we decided to do.
Several interesting stories have taken place over the past couple of weeks. Just to name a few… *In Berlin, we were truly on outreach. We stayed at this beautiful school but on the wood gym floor and no hot water for a week. I got use to the cold, community showers and didn’t really have a problem with it, but I do admit that when we arrived in Herrnhut, (a small small town) the relief I had prayed for arrived. This place is covered with foliage and has a trickling brook flowing past. There are hiking trails right outside the building and I found myself wondering all over the place just enjoying. However beautiful this place was, it had a major downfall!!!! MOSQUITOES!!!! I left that place with over 60 bites and (lets be honest) it was the first time I had mosquitoes in my BUTT CRACK!!!! If you’ve ever had one of those you understand the weight behind that reality! They itched like crazy. Yep, I had an itchy butt crack for about a week and it was very uncomfortable let me tell you! 
* We went to perform at a music festival called “Freak Stock” and it was all Jesus lovers. It was held at this old race track with several tents set up for the main bands! There was great food, laughter and music! The people that came just camped out for a couple days and chill. There were mostly hippies and “extreme” Christians, if that stereotype is really valid, and that place will be one of the fondest memories of outreach.
* In Czech Republic my wallet was stolen!!! (yeah that’s a fond memory!) All my access to cash and money was in that wallet so as of right now I am moneyless and having to fully be dependent on God to provide. My credit card and debit card were taken but those have been canceled so now its just the sore pride and putting pieces back together. However, God has already come through with $32 of cash from random donors within my group and I am so grateful! So Czech was not my favorite place.  .
*To back track a little, on our way to “Freak Stock” we travelled in a Russian bus for what was suppose to have been four hours. Well, well, well….four turned to 5 and 56…….the tripped ended up being 10 hours long. The problem, however, was not the amount of time we spent in the bus, it was the condition of the bus. This bus was rank! It had no air conditioning and was crammed beyond all words. The 5’4’’ peoples knees even touched the feet in front of them. Also, it was stand still traffic with scotching heat permeating through the windows. What do you get when you add 51 people that consist of mostly girls, on a bus where bodies are touching, with no air to breathe and no food to eat and little hope of escape????? A HOLOCAUST! HAHAHA! But what an adventure! I was annoyed at times but I knew it would eventually end so it was cool. (All those trips to Mexico paid off for sure)!!
There are indeed other great moments but those are a few that I thought fun or interesting enough. In my spirit, Jesus has really been working on giving me a ever-changing perspective on life. I am studying 1 JOHN 4:7-17 in my personal quite times and it has really started to change the way I think and appoarch life. I would encourage everyone to meditate on that passage for it quite literally sums up the entire Christian life and the heart of Christ. Also I’ve been reading Psalms 104- pretty sure God rocks! Read that one in the message and NLT because its so encouraging and awe- inspiring!
I will be home in less than three weeks and am so excited to see you all. I am trying to remain fully here at DTS until August 29th and than I will be able to think about home. Sometimes its so hard though because its close. In Hebrews it talks about having a “patient endurance” and “special longing” for those he loves. I am there friends and family. Although my work and learning here are not done, I patiently long to see you soon!!!! I’m gonna close with a challenge: Do your actions show those around you that you love them? Do you really love them or is it to keep up pretense of being a good “Christian?” If you don’t really love the people around you, it’s ok, just ask Jesus to give you that revelation and be ready to receive it. ITS INCREDIBLE and well worth the process.
See you soon- love you all- ASHLEY

City of Love....???

Hello, Hello, Hello from France!!!
We arrived in France last Wednesday exhausted but greatful to have finally get off the bus. The trip from Morocco to France was a long and draining one. It encompassed 3 days and involved ,much sitting. We started out with a 5 hour bus ride, only to arrive at the train station and wait a few hours for the 12 hour train ride. From there we took the Ferry across the Med. Sea and were blessed with a cruise type boat. It was not disgusting and crawling with bugs like the last ferry had been. It was really clean and served great Coffee! I slept the entire way. We arrived in Spain and hauled all the teams luggage out to a bus. Thankfully we had a trailer for all the suitcases and crawled onto the bus for an exceedingly unending bus ride. The bus ride was suppose to be around 20 hours. 20 hours of sitting up and pretending to sleep. However, the 20 became 30. We were on a bus for over a day. That was insane. Thankfully cars put me to sleep so I slept most of the time. . We ate at a few grocery stores along the way and realized we were definitely not in Morocco anymore! The country side was beautiful and we got to drive through mountains so I felt right at home. The higher on the map we got, the cooler and more beautiful it became. We eventually arrived in Paris – awesome beautiful spectacular city- and drove to a university on the outskirts of downtown. The university is full of trees and the weather is exactly like home! Thank you Lord. I have been able to layer my sweatshirts and go for walks without needing to saturate myself in deodorant! One totally awesome detail I forgot to mention is that we were expecting to have to stay in tents, but that was so wrong! We actually were blessed with INDIVIDUAL rooms in the dorm- um…let me tell you I was singing and almost cried at the news. My room has become my haven and my prayer room. I can sleep when I want to sleep, I can do my makeup without having to share a mirror, I can even do my devotion sitting at a desk looking out at beautiful trees without a whole mess of Koreans yelling in the back (hilarious when that would happen). It was been a true blessing. However, we are apart of a camp, we didn’t know that and have to go to lectures again and follow the camp rules. The leaders on our team are really starting to butt heads with their team for many reasons but mainly, the camp only wants us to perform one or two pieces of the show so they can draw a crowd to evangelize too. Maria- our leader- is so frustrated because our performance is our evangelism because we cannot speak French. Also we haven’t had a day off since arriving in France. No sleep. No money for food. Having to deal with a whole new group. Etc…. Oh yeah and we found out all our shows for next week have been cancelled! So please pray for that. We feel limited by that and it gets frustrating. I do not really feel bothered by the whole situation though. I am glad that we have leaders that take care of the troubles because I am focused on drawing my relationship with God to a deeper and more intimate level and really just go with the flow of the group. I laugh usually when people are stark angry (oops ) and try to keep the mood light because there are things that will throw the curve ball in and we have to deal. Sometimes I get annoyed because we are lacking in food money and have to go 10 hours without eating…not fun. But I know I’ll have an attitude if I open my mouth so most times I read a book or keep distance and not make decisions in that time. LOL.!!!
There have been some real encouragements along the way thus far. We performed for a few of the students and come to find out a few were American teenagers!!! Holy cow -dear Jesus- thank you. I talked with them, with no interpreter, and prayed for them! It was such a blessing and a confirmation. Also, France feels so much like America that I feel totally at home here, well upon not being able to communicate or walk by myself, but really there is a peace that was definitely lacking in Morocco. I still get starred at a lot but because it’s a tourist town, I can blend in well. Thirdly, I have been able to escape to my room and read and pray and think and dream…ah I cant tell you how awesome and encouraging it is to be alone with the Holy Spirit in the morning times. If you haven’t developed the discipline of time alone with God, I will show you some methods when I get back if you want, but I definitely encourage you to find that time. Find that place where you can be regenerated with the Savior.
Oh I have one crazy story to tell. I have been reading a lot about intercessory prayer and spiritual warfare and the strategies that lull us into ignorance of the spiritual world, and let me tell you I had an encounter with something the other night. I had had a great day with Jesus that day, prayed for many people and just practiced what I had been studying. I went to sleep that night very peaceful. But woke up 3 hours later to a suffocating fear. It seemed like the darkness could be touched and then that feeling of “I’m being watched” started creeping over my body. Now, let me step back and tell you that that night was the only night I had slept with my window and one of my blinds open, but I am on the 3rd floor and facing a park so I didn’t think much of it. Anyway, so there was honestly no way anyone could be watching me. So when I woke up and had that eerie feeling, and hairs on my neck stood up, I was pretty scared. I had to walk to the bathroom down the hall, because we all still share bathrooms, and I thought whatever the feeling was would go away- it didn’t. As I walked along the halls, exhausted and scared, there was a distinct feeling that it was following me. I did my thing and headed back to my room while praying the Lord would tell me what I was up against and how to get rid of it. I walked back into my room, laid down, and kept praying. By this time, the fear had made me made because I HATE being afraid so I was praying very pissed off at this “thing”. When I felt the Lord say, “shut your window and your blinds,” – no problem there, I jumped up, whipped those things shut and laid back down. Than from the different spiritual warfare strategies that I had been reading about, I started trying to identify what kind of demonic spirit I was dealing with- FEAR! Whatever this thing was or looked like, I know it was trying to make me afraid. I was pretty sure though that I didn’t have the power to “bind” a demon being a little human I am… but than the verses that I had read that night in ACTS reminded me that Peter, Paul, John, Jesus…countless others have all been able to cast out demons because of the Holy Spirit…. “Huh,” I thought, “Well, I have the Holy Spirit, im just gonna try this.” So I said outloud (of course still angry) “In Jesus name, and by His victory on the cross, you have no right to be taunting me and hanging around, so I bind you fear and command you to leave this room and go to the foot of the cross!!!” – sounded pretty powerful, lol. And let me tell you…- it was! The Holy Spirit is real and proclaiming Jesus name is real power. After I proclaimed that- I was asleep in ten minutes and was again sleeping so peacefully. ------------------------------------------------However, later on, when I woke up I thought I had dreamed the whole thing or I was making it more dramatic than it really was and that no demon was really in my room watching me last night….but I was talking to a few friends, 3 to be exact, and all of them had had a very similar experience at the same time I did that night. Two of the girls had been in the same room and had felt the exact thing together , the other girl explained what she felt to me without having heard about my story, and they lined up exact. It was insane! Now let me go on because this gets better. Back in Kona, Hawaii, one of my friends told me that God spoke to her telling her that we are going to be attacked by Satan and his army when we go on outreach. She said she was given a vision of a chess game and Satan was starting to move his pieces…he was sending his troops to be in position. Than another person that same week had a vision. She said in her vision she saw demons, very black and scary, RUNNING and RUSHING to engage in full attack towards us. They were being sent out to destroy anyway they could! (Now talk about your encouraging visions- lol!) So having been pre-warned that Satan was preparing, we were on guard. But he had to attack in the night when we were most tired and most unprepared… Literally, he sent his army to attack certain people and terrify them….Insane. I will not underestimate the spiritual world anymore, but I also will not give satan the benefit of being afraid of him because that’s exactly what he wants. Besides, Jesus is Lord and has already won the victory. We are covered by His blood and have power to demolish satans plans. Why do you think satan tries desperately to destroy us and make us ignorant? – because he hates that he’s already lost the fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH.( Battle cry necessary there! )Anyway, that was the experience and it was rad! Praise Jesus, Thanks Lord for being smart enough to outwit your enemy and wanting me to know that Your that powerful and LOVE me that much.
To all of you, I hope you enjoyed the dramatic story that gives God glory and I want you to know that prayer is real, Jesus’ name is powerful and that He wants you to experience a deeper and more powerful reality of HIMSELF. – my opinion- go for it. No fear!
- ASHLEY-

bon jour from Morocco

I only have a few minutes to write but am so excited to be able to get a chance. we of course dont have internet on the road so whenever i get a chance i snag a minute. Yesterday was the first time i could write ont he internet and it was on an arabic computer- very interesting... Anyway. The adventure is good thus far. Taking up my cross daily is for sure hard but awesome. We headed to spain first and got to slept on the mountain side of Malaga in tents with the Meditterain sea a couple stone throws away. - sound like missionary work -??? yes, we had several performances and the first one we had a man come forward to accept Jesus- !!!! can we say Praise the Lord we have another citizen of Christ. My spirit soars everytime I get to have a conversation about Christ, its what i love. From Spain, we took a bus--> ferry--> train--> bus ride to Northern Africa in Morocco and this is been the hardest of my journey of DTS so far. My identity of being a women, a christian, an american is being stripped but the good part is that my identity in Chirst is something I can understand and firmly hold too now. There are great stories but one I want to tell is this. Yesterday after the performance a girl came up to me, which really they are not allowed to do here in this musilim country, and told me her name means "Virgin Mary"!!! The perfect leeway into a conversation about Christ. We talked about unconditional love and Jesus,!!!! She is again coming to the performance tonight. I can not wait to talk with her some more. Please pray for the Holy spirit to intercede in Mariums life tonight.
We leave for France on monday and have a 4 hr bus--> 2 hr ferry--> to a 12 hr train --> to a 20 HOUR BUS RIDE!!!! yup 20... please pray for our safety and our health. A couple are sick. I greatfully have not been sick. Please continue to pray that my spirit is stretched and i grow deeper with Christ. Also a contentment with just "being" with Christ but a definite uncontentment of the condition of the world. I have been meditating on Psalms 23 and Joshua 1 while in Morocco and if youd like to join me that would be great. Keep praying and praising. Jesus rocks and I love Him so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks to all, talk to you soon. - Ashley

Christmas in May?

I am so excited to write this blog because two amazing things happened to me this week!!! Get ready...
Numero uno - #1-:
I have been praying for a specific kind of instrument for about three months. I felt back in February that I needed to start praying for it and the passion to want to learn to play. So I did every time I remembered or was reminded. I specifically prayed that the instrument would fit my hands perfectly. There were times when I would lose hope but than something would trigger the desire and Id get all excited to start prayin again. Here comes the kicker...!!! On tuesday of this week...my prayer was answered! My class was in the middle of an intercessory prayer time and one of the girls in my group raised her voice and shouted "has anyone been praying for a guitar?" ...i slowly raised my hand because I wasnt sure if what was happening was real. There was another hand that shot into the air behind me and I just assumed that because he was a little more anxious to answer the question that what ever was about to happen next was meant for him. The girl asking the quesiton however, zoomed in on me and asked how long I had been praying - "3 months" I answered. She gave a smile from ear to ear- "I have a guitar for you."
.............................................................................I, I, I, stuttered for sure and couldnt breath or speak or smile. All I could do was cry out in joy. I honestly don't know if I have ever been that speechless or overwhelmed with excitment or humility. Rachel, the girl giving the guitar, ran over to me in front of my class, handed me the guitar and started crying with me. At this point, I still couldn't talk. It felt like Jesus was just delighted in how He had blessed me that day! Rachel told me the story behind the guitar also known as "Claudia" - the guitars name. Rachel went on to tell me how she, herself had been praying for a guitar and that her best friend felt she should send hers from home. So her best friend packed up the guitar and sent it to Rachel without her knowing. Rachel received it and was blessed but apparently she knew right away that it wasn't meant for her. Rachel said she received a word from God that it was meant for someone else. Rachel called her best friend to ask if it was okay to give away but before Rachel could open her mouth, her best friend told her that God had instructed her to tell Rachel that the guitar was meant for someone else on her DTS. God spoke to both girls seperatly the exact same word. Truly amazing. So Rachel prayed about who to give it too all weekend but there was no answer. On tuesday morning however during that prayer time, she had the "go ahead" to ask the question. I answered. God gave me a guitar on tuesday. Not only that, but the guitar fits into my hands perfectly. Claudia (the guitar) is beautiful. She has scars but that makes her have so much more character- and from the moment the guitar was placed in my hands- I havent let go. I have already cried with this guitar, worshipped and sang with every once inside of me total praise to Jesus. I honestly dont know of another time when the Lord has so specifically answered my prayers. I saw a different part of God that day, the part where He wants to see us breathlessly happy! He loves us that much. :) :) :) = That was a good day!
Now that was only one blessing this week. The second is almost as crazy.

Numero dos- #2- The first couple days of being in Kona were awesome but when I heard the worhsip team for the first time...my heart leap for Joy and pounded like a rock in my chest. I have always had the desire to worhsip but have surpressed it so long that it took me awhile to admit that I love it! I had the desire form the first day of being in Kona, that I wanted to help lead worship with this worship team in front of the corporate body of believes at least once before I left. Only catch was, I was intimidated to talk with any of them. It was a long time before I met any of them and it just so happens that I ran into the main worhsip leader at Dennys late one nite. We talked a bit and I asked if they let people do that...He seemed only slightly interested. I went home and was a bit dissappointed. But than just one week after that little meeting, guess who comes walking up to me? (You can only imagine Im sure) Yes, that same worship leader. He looks real excited and tell me about a story of somehow, someway he heard me sing somewhere and sometime...(yeah sorry no details, I was just too excited that he appoarched me too even listen to what he was saying)! anyway, bottomline- he asked me and one of my good girlfriends, andy, - also an amazing vocalist- to lead worhsip with him this thursday night!!!! Ummmmmm, can we say, a MIRACLE!!!!(im singing that by the way)!
So last night, I got to participate in the MOST amazing worship service ever. Ever EVER!!! Not only was the service great and worship freeing, we raised over $55,000.00 in fundraising that night. We sang the song, "open the floodgates of Heaven, let it RAIN!!!" - He opened, it rained...pretty cool huh? :) Well, anyway, my dream and love for music has skyrocket this last week and I know it was all in His amazing time that He brought me back to my natural love of Music! Amen, thank you Lord!

Awesome, alright, love you all! Thanks for sharing in this with me. Thank you Lord!

ODE TO MA!

So theres this woman i know.

She's pretty cool and I love her alot.

Unfortunatly, i was MIA on mothers day!

My heart hurts a bit

but reat assure, our love goes beyond borders.

So ill pop in to the A-town in four months and we'll be reunited.
But for mothers day I send a flower with a note...

MOM, I love you so much.

I love that I have received so many amazing qualities and

characteristics from you. You are somehow directly or indirectly

involved in every favorite memory.

Some of my favorite memories of you are when you laugh so hard that your smile

is contagious and you can't really breathe for a while,or start crying...:)

Or when you do silly things and you give me this look of "Oops" and than smile...Haha.

I love the way you can take charge of a situation and I always know Im safe with you.

You claim your my biggest fan, and truely your actions and unconditional love prove it

everyday. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you or want to talk.

I know im selfish and take advantage of you alot and I am so sorry for the times I have
forgotten to show you how much I love you. You mean the world to me and have truely made all the difference between Heaven and Hell here on earth. Thank you and Dad for following Christ and introducing me to Him. You were used in the saving of many souls. And that love and obedience has inspired me.

I love you mom. Your my best friend. I love being like you and I also want you too know how proud I am of you. I can only wish that my kids will feel the same love and value that I have felt and been instilled with from you. I want to raise my kids like you and daddio raised us.

Man, mom, I just love you.

Thank you.

I raise my coffee cup to your honor:)

Your the best.
With Love- Ashley.

Wheres my heart?

Some random fun....

Snokeling with some friends

Hiking in Weipio Valley

Tragic Results of hike that cant really be seen...my legs are swollen and bruised...my toe is busted up and every shearing throb of pain was worth the hike...:)

FUN FUN FUN:
The fun finally arrived after a terribly difficult week last week. It was a week full of emotion and digging deep into the past. The speaker, an energetic Asian- American named Kristy Kim, had a degree in Psychology and an MA in Counceling... Normally this would be helpful to know but I found myself compelty turned off to anything she had to say because of my background in Psych. I didnt really think I had a problem with psychology but I found out that my lack of a bias actually turned out to be vicious and it made the week much more difficult. Not only was I suppose to dig into my past when I didn't want too but the speaker that lead us there was one I had a harsh mistrust for from the get-go. Sounds like a fun week huh? Haha. Well, the week didn't get any better, at least regarding my attitude. I really started to withdraw and didn't want to take away from the groups accomplishments so Itried to be as isolated as I could... it probably seemed that I didn't like anyone last week but the cool thing was that instead of getting offended they were supportive; and everyone knows that we all have different struggles to deal with. So its the most encouraging environment I've been in when being faced with vulnerablity. All in all, the week was a stretching week. I did learn alot about myself and the Holy Spirit and how to deal with past issues all the while trying to ignore the fact that pscyhology is actually a helpful tool in some cases. Ha.
The most enjoyable part of the week was when fridays bells rang and freedom was awaiting. My performing arts group had a beach day on Saturday with some of the best BBQ i've every had. I went snokeling and had a gay ol' time. Than on Sunday, a prayer was answered. My friends Potter and Ian were going hiking in on of the most beautiful valleys ever. Some of Jurassic Park was filmed in this particular spot where two water falls met at the bottom of a tear-shaped cliff. At the bottom was a crystal clear pool that is clean enough to drink from. IT WAS INCREDIBLE! It was the hardest hike I have ever done though. The rainforest has some tough terrain. We had to hike through the river over slippery ground and jagged rocks- hense the bruises on my legs. I fell many times but loved every minute. The people in my group, however, made this kind of hike look like a walk in the part...maybe I'm not as graceful as I thought- hmmm. Haha.
There were spots to jump of rocks into the water- tested and approved spots so it was safe- and when we reached the top there were some little caves we had to rock climb to and than jump into the water. Now if you know me- that is totally my kinda thing. I havent felt so alive and challenged phyically in a long time. :) :) :)

Its tuesday now and today my body is broken. My legs are still swollen and the exhaustion is still heavy but this weeks teaching is a spin off of last week that will rock me to my core. The purpose of last week was to shake up issues I've delt with- which it did- and this week is about understanding satan's strategy in trying to kill us and use those issues to hinder us, and how we can throw off those issues and strongholds through the power of Jesus Christ. Seriously, the last two days have been the most encouraging and "meaty" days since I've been here. One major, MAJOR point that I am learning is that- I can have alot of head knowledge about God, I can memorize scripture and all but if thats it than its a shallow relationship at best. If I don't believe what I'm memorizing or actually take it into my heart and better understand who Christ is and let the Holy Spirit transform my mind...than my act of memorizing is pointless. To get a better understanding...I use the example of two singers that I've seen. One singer had an incredible voice with talent beyond anything I could ever hope for, BUT when the alter call came, no one came...The second singer had a voice that was not as advanced as the first singer but it was good. When the alter call came, the room was flooded with tears and surrender. What was the difference? - The first singer only used her voice to glorify herself...she lacked communication and persuasion with her audience and her reward was only the thought of "I'm good and maybe a pat on the back." However, the second singer had a gift far greater than the first singer...HEART! She believed what she sang, she communicated her message and through her voice God was able to be glorified, hence His movement in the audience. (Don't know if I communicated that example well but I think you get it all). - My "religious" exterior may look impressive to some, but I would rather have a humble and grace- filled trial of faith with Christ than a faith that is "fixed and self-glorifying that could merely be considered a faith." I want more and more for my heart to be one with Christ. I want to take on His heart and understand His power in transforming lives and truely experience that transformation. And really my second prayer would be for each of you reading this that you will understand His power and love as well. And ever more that I can help lead you to that place when I get back...Man how Awesome He is I'm discovering.
- Man I could go forever, but I need to go to bed. thanks for your prayers all of you and I love you all. - ash

She wiped His feet with her hair....

1. Awesome Sunset 2. Me and Andy 3. Drumming...:)

4. The gang 5. STAR WARS TEAM!!! 6. Roommate Bec and Me

For those of you that arnt farmilar with the Bible, there is a story about a woman named Mary. Mary loved Jesus. One day while Jesus was teaching to a crowd, Mary came with a perfume jar that was worth a years wages. She knelt at Jesus' feet, broke the jar over him and wiped his feet with her hair- John 12:1-9
I was reminded of this passage two weeks ago while in a worship session. It has continiously been brought up in my mind and my prayer has been to have such deep devotion and intensity in following Christ, just as Mary did.
Today was my day.
I had planned to fast today but little did I know that God would ask for more than one days worth of food... Today in session we were listening to this heart throbbing story about the prositution in the Red Light District in Amsterdam when the words "your hair" popped into my mind. Weird, I know...even curious. The session was great and passion filled. It was talking about how my generation is great yet our tragedy is passivity. We get lost in video games and false realities...which i completely agree with. And the challenge was to not merely "think" about action but actually take action. My heart throbbed with the desire yet my fear of action and responsibility overwhelmed me just the same....

HERES THE KICKER... to end, the preacher asked us to go back to our rooms grab something of value that is important to us and give it up to Jesus. So there I go daddiling back to my room trying to think of something I can give up whether material or emotional, whatever...than... it hits me- hard and fast...before I knew what I had to do and before I had time to think...I ran to my room...made a direct beeline for my knife and headed back to the gym. I started weeping as my fingers gripped the knife. I stood infront of the cross, behind everyone else with puddles forming under my feet. I prayed for help. A girl came over that I had only met once. I handed her the knife. I told her to cut my hair. With tear filled eyes and a shaky hands...she started cutting. With every cut, a tear. With every tear, a smile. I knew at that moment what Mary must have felt when she wiped Jesus' feet with her hair. I knew what it meant to worship Jesus...

So now, My hair is short, about chin length and still really choppy and uneven. But I love it. After having the day to process what went on this morning there are a few remaining things I want to say. - I do not at all regret what I did. This truely was the highest and most perfect sacrifice I could have known. It is difficult to explain but I will try. See, I have been known as the tall, beautiful long-blonde girl. I have taken so much pride in that fact. I have always been able to use my beauty to be seen or stand out. Beauty has always been a security for me because if I don't feel comfortable I could always hide behind a pretty face and long flowing locks...:) I do not want to hide anymore. I do not want to use the beauty God has given me to glorify my own looks anymore. I want people to see Christs beauty in me now. I want my eyes, my smile, my laugh, but most of all my actions to show Christs love and bring people in. Amen! I want to be the woman that is willing to give up everything for the sake of knowing Christ and it has to begin with herself. I was broken before Jesus' today, BUT, as I stood there weeping...all I heard was..."you are worth more than your hair. You are BEAUTIFUL despite how long or short your hair is. I can USE you now...!!!" -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. Can anyone say AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today has been an emotional day and there were times when I said- "your crazy!" But at those moments of discouragement, one or two people would walk by and tell me what an encouragment that act was today. Ironically enough, I felt uncomfortable anyone saying that because I cut my hair to try and rid the attention factor but I guess God had other plans.
I was able to share this infront of the whole DTS tonight in one of our meetings and it was incredible. The story, however, doesnt end there...when I got up in front of that crowd, in front of that pulpit with a microphone...I knew my calling was just beginning...:)

THE NEW DUE...

One of the most amazing nights of worship I've ever seen... sorry its sideways...